Higher, Higher, Higher
by xxLucindaxx
Summary: Touka's locked out and Haise - Kaneki? - invites her to stay at his place. Angsty-ish convos, lemons, and a HEA. What more could one want. Touka x Kaneki/ Haise.
1. Chapter 1

**Slight kagune play. Mostly smut. HEA. Excuse the typos, of which I'm sure there are a few.**

 **Review :)**

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Touka had no idea how she'd ended up here, bruised, bloody, and trying to catch her breath as she sat on the wet, hard ground of an alley.

She'd barely managed to escape the CCG investigators, and she had no idea where she was going to go. She didn't have the key to Re - who knows where it'd fallen, and the only person staying there - her brother - was gone for the week trying to find any lead on the sudden string of ghoul murders.

She knew her body would heal itself in time, but the cold, rainy weather certainly wasn't helping.

 _Fuck_ , she thought, _What the hell am I going to do?_

She managed to push herself to her feet, slowly dragging her sore body out of the alley.

Because it was so late, there were few people out, none of whom even acknowledged her existence, and before she knew it she was sitting on the bench outside of Re, staring at the completely dark building with contempt.

 _Why tonight_ _?_ she wondered, wincing as she slumped back too quickly.

At least it had stopped raining, but it did little to warm her. She was soaked and shivering.

"Touka?"

Her eyes snapped up to meet Kaneki's surprised gaze.

 _No,_ she thought, _Not Kaneki, Haise. He goes by Haise._

She opened her mouth, not quite sure what she was going to say, but it didn't matter, as Kaneki was crouched in front of her talking again.

"What the hell happened? Why didn't you call me?" he asked, his gloved hand moving her wet hair back to get a better look at her face.

She shrugged him off, refusing to meet his eyes.

"I don't have my phone."

"Are you locked out?" he asked, changing the subject as he stood back up.

"No, I chose to sit out here, wet and freezing." she snapped, irritated that he was even here.

Too much had happened.

Sure, he had some of his memories back, but that didn't change the fact that he'd left her on that bridge three years ago. _He'd_ left.

His mere presence set her on edge; she was hyper aware of his movements - hyper aware of him in general.

"Come on. You can stay at my place." he said, watching her face to gauge her reaction.

She didn't respond, unsure of what she'd say anyway. She wanted to get out of her wet clothes and wash the blood from her body, but the thought of being in Kaneki's apartment - the same apartment he'd been in since he returned to Antieku. The same apartment he was in when he didn't have any of his memories - not that he had all of them now.

"Why do you have to be so stubborn?" he asked, wrapping his gloved hand around her wrist and tugging her up from the bench in one fluid motion.

She glared at him, attempting to tug her arm away from him, but it was no use. He was much stronger than she was.

"Let me go, shitty Haise."

He smirked, "Not a chance."

When they got to his apartment she was only slightly less annoyed, grateful for the warmth his home offered.

"I'll grab you a towel and a change of clothes." he said, before disappearing down a hallway.

She wanted to tell him that she didn't want his clothes. She didn't want to be even more enveloped by his smell - a smell that even after 3 years, hadn't changed at all. It was just uniquely him.

And it made her heart ache.

When he returned he handed her the towel, a sweater, and sweatpants before saying, "You can shower and change in my room or in the bathroom in the hall. I'll make some coffee."

He didn't wait for her to say anything, instead walking into the kitchen and busying himself with the coffee, leaving her no other option than to walk back towards the other rooms of his apartment.

The first door was the bathroom, but curiosity got the better of her, and she continued to the end of the hall, pushing open the door to Kaneki's bedroom.

After shutting the door behind her she took a moment to look around. Everything was in order - it even seemed like the books on the shelf were organized by color.

 _Such a strange man_ , she thought, making quick work of her wet clothes before stepping into his shower.

The water was warm almost instantly, and she watched as her blood swirled toward the drain. She tried to keep her mind off the fact that this was _Kaneki's_ shower, and everything smelled even more acutely like him.

She couldn't bring herself to use his soap. It was all just too much.

Touka quickly turned off the water, stepping out of the shower and quickly drying herself off. She paused to look at herself in the mirror, unsurprised that the bruises were almost completely gone, the cuts healed a while ago.

She slid the sweater over her head, immediately enveloped by _that_ smell - _his_ smell - and for a moment she couldn't breathe. It all felt so familiar, yet not. The same, but different.

And she had no idea if that was good or bad.

Touka reached for the sweatpants, immediately realizing that they were ridiculously long on her. In the oversized sweater and oversized pants she was sure she looked like a child playing dress up in her mother's closet.

She felt ridiculous.

Especially because she couldn't seem to convince herself that she hated it.

Without giving it too much more thought, she headed back out to the kitchen, wet clothes in hand.

"Where do you want these?"

He looked over at her, a small smile gracing the corners of his lips before he said, "Just toss them in the dryer."

Touka did as he said before taking a seat on his couch, joined by him only a few moments later.

As he handed her the mug of steaming black liquid his fingers brushed hers, his eyes darting to her face immediately.

"Thank you." was her only response, immediately taking a sip.

"It's good." she said, somewhat surprised.

"You're the one who taught me, right?" he shot back, that playful look that was so much _her_ Kaneki on his face that for a moment she could forget everything that had happened. She could pretend this was _her_ Kaneki - that nothing had changed.

But it had.

"Surprised you remember that." she replied mildly, taking another sip of the coffee and studiously avoiding his gaze.

"I've remembered a lot of things regarding you, Touka-chan."

She closed her eyes, a sharp breath leaving her, "Don't call me that."

"Should I call you bunny, then?"

At the sound of his old nickname for her, her eyes _did_ meet his.

"How do you know about that?" she whispered, unable to speak any louder for fear of her voice cracking.

"I'm trying to piece everything back together...I...I know that I hurt you when I left, but I also know that before I did we were -"

"Stop." she said, voice trembling as she shut her eyes against the onslaught of his words. She didn't want this. She didn't want _any_ of this right now.

"Stop what?" he asked, running a hand through his shock of blonde hair before taking a sip of his coffee as well.

"Trying to bring all this up. It doesn't matter. It never mattered." she muttered, looking away from him again.

"It did -"

"Oh what do you know? Really, what do you know? That I taught you to make coffee? Kicked your ass a few times? Because -"

"I know that you didn't want me to leave."

Touka felt the tears beginning to prick her eyes, but the thought of crying in front of Kaneki was enough to keep them at bay, "Yet you did."

"I never apologized for -"

"Well don't start now." she snapped, setting the mug down on the table and standing to leave.

Kaneki had no intention of letting that happen, though, and immediately stood too, grabbing her wrist to pull her back to him.

"Touka, I'm _sorry_. I didn't -"

"Shut up." she interrupted, vehemently shaking her head, "You don't know anything - you don't even go by _your name_ anymore, how would you remember anything important about us, _Haise_." she spat the venom laced words, attempting to yank her arm away again, but Kaneki's grip only tightened.

"I remember you more clearly than anyone, bunny." he said softly, his other gloved hand sliding to her cheek, tilting her face so she was looking at him.

Touka's heart was pounding in her chest so loudly that she would've sworn he could hear it too. After everything, could he really still be _her_ Kaneki? Was she even still his Touka? So many things had changed.

"So tell me why you left me."

The hurt in her eyes caught him off guard, and she used it to her advantage, shoving all her weight forward so he'd stumble back, releasing her wrist. When he did she darted for the door, getting it open a crack before his hand slammed it shut above her head.

He spun her around, catching her right arm midair as she attempted to hit him in the face. He shoved her body back against the door hard enough that her head connected with a solid thump.

She raised her other arm to try the same thing, but he caught it, pinning both above her head in one of his, his other hand pressed to her chest, just _barely_ not on her neck.

"Fucking _stop_." he snapped, glaring down at her, his eyes blazing. She was one of the few people that could rile him this much. It'd always been like that with them.

"I hate you." she said softly, "I fucking hate you."

"That's not the first time you've said that."

Her eyes flicked up to meet his as she replied, "No, it certainly isn't."

His eyes shut briefly, guilt flooding every part of him as he braced himself to face her.

"How much do you really remember, Haise?" she asked, her arms going slack against the hand that pinned them to the wall.

"I...little flashes of things. You broke my finger." he said, a small smile ghosting across his face as he thought of the memories he had of her, "You telling me my coffee was shit. You calling me shitty Kaneki all the time...I kissed you. You slapped me...then kissed me back."

Was she breathing? She had no idea. She couldn't tear her eyes from his, her voice caught in her throat.

"More than anything I remember how I _felt_ in those moments."

His white hair was the only bright spot in the darkened entry way, some of it falling over his face to cover his red eye, though she swore she could still feel the intensity of his stare.

She tried to force some air into her lungs, attempting to find her voice. She wanted to ask what he felt. She _so desperately_ wanted to know, but she couldn't force the words out.

It seemed she didn't need to, because he continued speaking.

"I felt more myself with you than anywhere else. You're my best friend...just because some of my memories are missing doesn't mean I've forgotten that feeling."

Touka had no idea she'd been crying until Kaneki's gloved hands moved to her cheeks to wipe her tears away.

"I love you, bunny." he said softly, his lips ghosting across hers, "I always have."

At his confession she couldn't stop the sharp, strangled breath she took, her eyes closing briefly as she tried to regain control of her breathing.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked, sounding so much like the shy Kaneki she remembered.

"I..." her voice trailed off as she glanced at his lips.

He leaned down, his lips a mere breath away as he said, "Tell me to stop, Touka-chan."

She only found the strength to shake her head, her hands softly resting on his chest. How could she say no to him? How could she tell him to stop when all she _really_ wanted was for him to never let go?

He took her silence as an answer and leaned down, pressing his lips to hers.

His hands slid from her cheeks to her hair, tangling in the short locks to press her even more firmly against himself. Their tongues were exploring, teeth nipping - it seemed as though they were both starving for the other.

Maybe they were.

Kaneki slid one hand down to her hip, the leather gloves digging into her flesh. She wrapped an arm around his neck, pulling him further down, closer, closer, _closer_.

And it still wasn't close enough.

While his mouth ravaged hers, his hands slid under her sweater - _his sweater_ \- the cool leather against her sides and stomach a sharp contrast to his warmth, and she couldn't stop herself from arching further into him.

A few moments later Touka broke away from the kiss, her breathing rapid, but Kaneki wasn't deterred. He moved to pressing fierce, openmouthed kisses to her jaw, neck, collarbones, down down, _down_.

And then the sweater was on the floor and she felt his heated kisses across her chest, traveling the valley of her breasts before latching onto one nipple, his hand pinching and teasing the other.

The action pulled a beautiful moan from her, both hands tangling in his hair, holding him tighter against her.

"Kane -" she broke off abruptly, clearing her throat awkwardly, "I'm sorry, Haise."

He arched an eyebrow at her, pulling away from her breasts to nuzzle her neck, his warm breath ghosting across her skin as he chuckled softly, "I don't feel like Haise around you."

She had to admit that Haise was harsh - cold even, and that certainly wasn't the man standing in front of her right now.

He didn't wait for her to respond, capturing her lips in another kiss, and really - what did it matter?

He felt her hands at the buttons of his black dress shirt, her deft fingers making quick work of them, and before he knew it the shirt was on the ground at his feet.

Touka wasted no time trailing her hands over the hard planes of his chest, her nails lightly grazing his pale skin, before she pulled away from his lips. Instead she focused on trailing a series of light kisses down his neck and across his chest, stopping to place a slightly firmer one directly over his racing heart.

God help him, he loved this woman.

He pushed her back against the wall, claiming her lips in a fierce kiss, his hands grabbing, squeezing, touching her _everywhere_.

Suddenly she felt his kagune wrap around her waist, pressing against the small of her back to push her more firmly against his throbbing erection. Two other kagune arms moved to her thighs, gently lifting her to wrap her legs around his waist, the arms supporting her weight as his hands continued teasing her breasts, sliding over her sides - he wanted her to feel him _everywhere_.

Without breaking the kiss, Kaneki turned and headed back toward his bedroom, kicking the door shut with his foot before setting her on the bed.

For a moment he just drank her in, his eyes roving over her pert breasts, pink from her blush and his teasing, her slim waist, and how utterly adorable she looked in his sweatpants.

Touka was beautiful. So, _so_ beautiful.

He knelt on the bed beside her, ridding himself of his belt before capturing her lips in another kiss. "Tell me if you want me to stop." he whispered, biting her bottom lip before pulling back to look at her face.

She shook her head, "I don't."

Touka pushed herself into a sitting position, tugging him down to kiss her again.

As his hands went to rid her of her pants, she stopped him, her own covering his.

"Take your gloves off."

He attempted to swallow around the lump in his throat, immediately ashamed. There was a reason for the gloves.

"Touka...no. They're -"

"Part of you." she interrupted, finishing his sentence, "Please stop hiding from me."

He closed his eyes, all the air leaving his lungs as he realized there was nothing he wouldn't do for her.

Even this.

He cleared his throat, quickly removing the gloves and tossing them onto the ground, immediately attempting to shift the attention back to her, but she grabbed his right hand, holding it tightly in her own.

She said nothing, her eyes trailing over the scaly skin, her fingers softly tracing his hand before she brought it to her lips, pressing a soft kiss to each of his finger and the palm of his hand before looking up at him.

He wasn't breathing and his eyes were hooded as he watched her. He couldn't have spoken even if he'd known what to say.

"I love you, Kaneki. All of you." she said simply, and without waiting for a response she pulled him down on top of her, lips finding his immediately.

And just like that, he relaxed. Touka _loved him_. After everything he'd done, everything that had happened, _she loved him_.

He made quick work of the sweatpants, tossing them from the bed before slamming his lips against hers, one hand holding him up, the other on her breast, alternating between squeezing the soft flesh and pinching her nipples - both of which brought an onslaught of breathy moans and sharp gasps from her.

Moving from her mouth, his lips peppered a trail of kisses down her neck, across her collarbones, and down to her breasts. He paused there for a moment, laving first one, then the other nipple until she was a writhing mess.

He continued down, down, _down_ , pressing kisses to her taut stomach, butterflies erupting there immediately. Her whole body was on fire, trembling under his touch.

Kaneki moved, pushing her legs apart to settle between them, peppering her inner thighs with open mouthed kisses, before dragging his tongue along her dripping pussy.

"You're already so wet, bunny." he murmured, using his fingers to spread her wider, allowing him better access to her clit.

"Oh god." she moaned, her hands tangling themselves in his hair.

He flicked his tongue across her swollen nub five, six more times before he felt her shuddering above him, the hands in his hair clenching to _almost_ painful. He groaned against her cunt, swiping at her clit once more before before sliding his fingers up from her slit to stroke her clit in light circles.

Her breaths were coming in pants, and he wasn't giving her any reprieve, the continued onslaught driving her higher and higher.

Slowly he moved his fingers down, slowly sliding two fingers inside her tight heat. Touka moaned, her back arching slightly as he began a slow, steady rhythm that had her hurtling toward another orgasm.

He looked up from between her thighs, enjoying the absolute pleasure he was giving her - it was written all over her face. A small smirk crossed his lips as an idea came to mind.

Touka's eyes widened, her lips parted on a gasp as Kaneki reshaped his fingers, elongating and curving them in such a way that he was repeatedly stroking her g-spot.

He sped up the thrusting of his fingers, watching in slight awe as her face contorted, her walls squeezing his fingers as her orgasm exploded through her.

" _Kaneki_ ," she gasped, shuddering as he pulled his hand from her. By the time she managed to look at him, his hands were both normal and trailing over the soft skin of her legs as he waited for her to catch her breath.

She caught one of his belt loops, pulling him down on top of her, his body caging hers in as their lips collided. She wanted him, _needed_ him.

"Please," she murmured, undoing the button on his slacks to run her hand over his throbbing cock.

He groaned, his eyes shutting automatically as her hand wrapped around his shaft and began slow, firm strokes against his hot flesh.

He kicked his pants off the rest of the way, nestling his hips between her legs so that his cock just barely brushed her wet heat.

"Tell me that you want it." murmured Kaneki, and though Touka couldn't really imagine the old Kaneki saying something like that, she couldn't deny that she liked it.

"I want it." she said, nudging her hips up to create more friction, "Please fuck me."

Without another word he dropped his head to her neck, slowly sliding into her.

With his head so near to her mouth, he heard her whispered moans of his name - _Kaneki, Kaneki, Kaneki -_ as he picked up his pace. He adjusted his position slightly, hoisting her leg up around his waist to slide deeper into her.

"Oh god." she gasped, "Please don't stop."

He groaned, speeding up his thrusts and grunted one word, "Never."

Unexpectedly he flipped her over, a quick twist of her hips and he was already back inside her - so, _so_ much deeper.

Touka clawed at the bed sheets, burying her head into his pillow to muffle her more constant moans.

 _That just won't do,_ thought Kaneki, grabbing a handful of her hair and tugging her up until her back was pressed against his front. He tugged her hair to the side, exposing her smooth neck to his sharp teeth. He flicked his tongue along the column of her throat, up to her ear before he spoke.

"I want to hear you, Touka-chan. Your moans are so lovely." he murmured, his thrusts continuing as he released her hair and his hands roamed her body.

She was so overwhelmed. She could barely think, the only thing she managed to moan was his name. Her body was burning, every nerve ending on fire as Kaneki pushed her higher, higher, _higher_.

After turning her face to claim her lips in a kiss, he nudged her back down onto the bed, her head resting on the pillows while her ass was in the air.

He would surely commit this image to memory, and nothing would ever take that from him.

He moved both his hands to the small of her back, his thumbs digging in to the small dimples at the base of her spine, slowly massaging as he thrusted.

When he looked to her face, the half of it he could see, he noticed that her eyes were shifting, turning black, and then -

"Fuck,"

Her kagune exploded from her back, a series of red and black flames dancing across her skin.

Seconds later she shattered around him, pleasure invading every part of her being - she was powerless to do anything other than ride the waves.

"Fuck, you're so beautiful." he murmured, one of the arms of his own kagune sliding between her legs to stroke her clit. He was so close, and he wanted _desperately_ for her to come with him.

"I can't - _oh god_ -"

The feeling of him inside her, his hands on her waist, her back, her breasts, the slick, smooth feel of his kagune against her clit - it was all _too much_.

And suddenly she was gone, tumbling, tumbling, _tumbling._

Her orgasm brought on his own, his fingers digging into her hips as he came, her name on his lips. He'd never felt more complete, more at _home_ than right now, in Touka's arms.

As her orgasm ebbed her kagune disappeared, allowing Kaneki to lean forward and press a series of gentle kisses along her spine.

"You're beautiful." he murmured again, his face nuzzled against her neck, "You're so fucking beautiful."

He pressed another kiss to her neck before moving to lay on his back. She simply slid forward, still on her stomach, but she turned her face to look at him.

His white hair stuck up in random spots from where she'd ran her fingers through it, his cheeks were tinted an adorable shade of pink, and there was a slight sheen of sweat on his chest.

He reached out to brush a strand of hair from her face, his fingers softly stroking her cheek as he did.

"I love you, bunny." he said softly, his eyes holding hers.

Her smile was immediate, lighting up her entire face as she replied, "I love you too, shitty Kaneki."

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 **Reviews are appreciated :)**


	2. I'm Writing A Book!

Hey guys! I usually don't do this, but I was curious and figured this was the only way to go about it. (No this isn't a story update, sorry!)

BUT there is some really cool news that I'm super excited to share with you guys. I'm currently writing an erotic story with my own characters based in a world that I created! It would mean the world to me if you guys would drop by and give it a shot on Inkitt! Link below! It is, of course, an erotic fiction so there's plenty of smut and is 18 chapters long so far. AND IT'S FREE TO READ.

I know a lot of you really enjoy my specific fandom pairings, but hopefully some of you enjoy my writing style enough to try something that I created myself.

 **Blurb:**

An invitation to a famous Bane party sets a series of events in motion for Willow that change everything. Two brothers, complete opposites - yet she's drawn to them both. With Sebastian it seems simple. With Damon it's anything but.

Will the two men be able to share what's their's?

Find it here: www **dot** inkitt **dot** com/ stories/ erotica/ 282621


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